Mourning and Consolation 101

Parshas Eikev

Mourning and Consolation 101

By Rabbi Dovid Zauderer


The seven weeks after the fast of Tishah B’Av leading up to the High Holidays are traditionally known as weeks of nechamah, consolation, for the Jewish people.

This can be seen by the Haftaros (portions from the Prophets) that are read during these seven Sabbaths, and which are colloquially referred to as the Sheva D’nechemta (“the seven of consolation”). They contain prophecies that offered the people comfort and hope after the destruction of the Holy Temple.

The first Haftarah of consolation (which is recited after the reading of Parshas Va’eschanan) begins with the words: “Comfort, comfort My people – says your G-d. Speak to the heart of Jerusalem and proclaim to her that her time (of exile) has been fulfilled …” (See Isaiah 40:1-2)

The question that bothers me is how does the whole ‘consolation thing” work. What exactly changes as we leave Tishah B’Av and enter into this new period of nechamah? After all, we commemorated and mourned the destruction of the Holy Temple on Tishah B’Av – and we still don’t have the Holy Temple today! So where’s the consolation?!

I believe that if we take a closer look at the roots of the Hebrew words for nichum aveilim, we can find an answer to this enigma as follows:

The Hebrew word aval can be found in many places in the Torah and generally means “mourning” (over the dead). As in the verse in Genesis 50:10: “And he [Joseph] ordained an aval (mourning period) for his father”

Interestingly, the same Hebrew word aval (the root of which consists of the three letters alef, bais, lamed) has two additional meanings as well. See, for example, in Genesis 17:19, where G-d tells our patriarch Abraham that (aval) “it is nonetheless true” that Sarah will give birth to a son.

And we find in the Book of Ezra 10:13 (and there are other examples too) where the congregation replies to Ezra that they would have liked to come with him and do as he said, (aval) “but” there are many people, and it is the rainy season …

Now we know that according to our mystical tradition, any time we find one Hebrew word with different meanings, then there has to be a connection between the meanings. Otherwise, G-d - Who authored the Torah - could have come up with a different Hebrew word for each meaning.

What then is the connection between ‘mourning’, ‘it is nonetheless true’, and ‘but’?

The answer is that the essence of mourning is the contradictory recognition that the death of our close friend or relative is nonetheless G-d’s truth and part of His Divine plan, while – at the same time – asking ourselves but how can we go on without him?

And the way to comfort and console the mourners is through a process called nichum aveilim (or the verb ‘to be menachem avel’) – ‘consoling’ the mourners.

How does it work? In Genesis 6:6 it says “Vayinachem … And G-d reconsidered having made Man on earth …” We see from this verse that the root of the Hebrew word for consolation (nichum or nechamah) – nun, ches, mem – can also mean ‘to reconsider.

This leads us to a new understanding of how the consolation works. We console and comfort the mourners by helping them change their focus and reconsider life without their close relative or friend here on earth next to them like it used to be – and instead thinking about their relative in his rightful place next to G-d in Olam HaBa (“The World to Come”).

We can also now better understand the seven-week period of nechamah that follows after Tishah B’Av and that we are in presently. It is a time when we are meant to remove our focus from the loss of the Holy Temple and to reconsider life without it. Instead of focusing on our loss – which can be debilitating - we read about G-d’s message of hope to the Jewish people through the prophet Isaiah and about the beautiful life we will enjoy when the Messiah arrives.

May G-d console us among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem. Amen!

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