Parshas Acharei Mos- Kedoshim
~ I can't believe how supportive my wife was after telling her I was going to take a second wife. She said it was bigamy.
~ What is the punishment for polygamy? Two mothers-in-law!
~ “Dad, what’s it called when you have more than one wife?†“Bigamy, son, bigamy†“And what’s it called when you have only one wife?â€... “Monotony, son, monotony!â€
In this week’s (double) Torah portion, Parshas Acharei Mos-Kedoshim, we find a list of Biblically forbidden relationships, including adultery, bestiality and incest (see Leviticus Chapter 18).
Interestingly, the prohibition of polygamy (marrying more than one wife) is not on the list. The simple reason for this is because there is no Biblical prohibition against marrying more than one woman.
Such a prohibition is not mentioned in writings of the Talmudic Sages either. Though the question of marrying more than one wife is raised, the Halachah (Jewish law) follows the opinion of Rava, who states that a person may take more than one wife, provided he has the means to support them (see Talmud Yevamos 65b).
As Maimonides writes in his Mishneh Torah Laws of Women and Marriage 14:3:
[Such is no longer our practice but, under Biblical law,] a man may marry multiple wives … either simultaneously or in succession. His current wife may not object so long as he has the means to provide each wife with the appropriate level of food, clothing and conjugal rights. However, he may not compel his wives to live in the same courtyard; each one is entitled to her own residence.
Though permitted, polygamy was clearly not common. In the Talmud and other writings of the Sages we seldom find a Sage or other individual taking more than one wife. Monogamy seems to have been the standard even when polygamy involved no transgression.
[Ed. Note: The earliest recorded instance of polygamy in the Bible, was that of Lamech, a descendant of Cain, who took two wives. As we read in Genesis 4:19: “Lamech took to himself two wives; the name of one was Adah, and the name of the other was Tzilahâ€. The Midrash tells us that such was the custom of the Generation of the Flood in which Lamech lived. The men would take two wives: One for childbearing and the other for pleasure. The latter would be given a sterility drug and be pampered like a bride, while the former would be bereft of companionship, and left mourning like a widow throughout her life. Of course, the Generation of the Flood were evil people and their marriage setup was quite extreme, to say the least. But most polygamous relationships in biblical times, especially those practiced by our forefather Jacob (he married Rachel and Leah) and others like him - were relatively ‘workable’ arrangements.]
This all changed with the coming of the famous Talmudist and Halachist known as Rabbeinu Gershom Me’or Hagolah (“Our Teacher Gershom, Light of the Exileâ€) who called for a synod in the year 1000 CE at which he decreed a cheirem (ban) on any Jewish man who takes more than one wife. The ban included a number of other acts: divorcing a woman against her will, modifying the rules concerning those who became apostates under compulsion, and prohibiting the opening of correspondence addressed to someone else. [These bans are generally referred to collectively as Cheirem D’Rabbeinu Gershom.]
Rabbeinu Gershom’s bans are considered binding on all Ashkenazic Jewry until the present day. The reason for this is explained by the great medieval halachic authority, the Rosh, in his Responsa (43:8): “There was a scholar in our land and his name was Rabbeinu Gershom. He lived during the time of the Ge’onim and instituted good decrees in the matter of divorce. His decrees are established as if they were given from Sinai because [the people] accepted them upon themselves and transmitted them, generation after generation.â€
[Some authorities consider the bans to have technically expired but are nonetheless obligatory to follow as universally accepted customs.]
Various reasons have been suggested as to why Rabbeinu Gershom instituted the ban against polygamy:
The Mordechai (Kesubos 291, cited in Darchei Moshe, Even HaEzer 1:11) explains that the reason for the enactment was the benefit of the family: There was found to be much quarrelling and jealousy and strife between the two wives in the polygamous family, all too often leading to a major breakdown of the family unit.
Another reason offered is that it protects the rights of women. The Rashba (cited by the Darchei Moshe, cit. 9) suggests that the enactment means to deter men from abusing their wives. Men might not act decently to their wives, if they could simply marry another wife if need be.
Although the Cheirem D’Rabbeinu Gershom against polygamy is applicable in most cases, there are some exceptions. In certain extreme cases, such as the case of a man whose wife is missing, or refuses to accept a get (religious divorce) for an extended period, the Beth Din (religious court) will permit him to remarry – but only after one hundred rabbis (!) in three different jurisdictions agree with them to issue an exemption. This is to ensure that a particular situation indeed justifies an exemption
This “loophole†is known as the Heter Me’ah Rabbanim (“Permission of One Hundred Rabbisâ€).
After receiving a Heter Me’ah Rabbanim, the Beth Din will require the husband to write a get for his wife and deposit it with them. His wife will remain married until she receives the get in her possession.
Oh, by the way, in case you’re wondering why Rabbeinu Gershom was the only one among all the other great Rabbis in the Diaspora – to have the title Me’or Hagolah, “Light of the Exile†added to his name, I would like to share with you a beautiful explanation that I saw in Ta’amei HaMinhagim page 551 in Kuntres Acharon:
The two ‘main’ bans that Rabbeinu Gershom issued – one banning polygamy and the other forbidding a man from divorcing his wife against her will – are the two “lights†that have kept the Jewish people alive throughout the long and bitter exile. This is because G-d in Heaven responds to us based on our actions here on earth. And when we accept upon ourselves Rabbeinu Gershom’s cheirem not to marry an additional wife, and not to divorce our first wife against her will, G-d responds in kind and promises not to “divorce†us and throw us out against our will, nor will He “marry†another wife in addition to us, His first and only love! Hence, only Rabbeinu Gershom is called the “Light of the Exileâ€.
http://www.torchweb.org/torah_detail.php?id=613