Parshas Vayigash (5779)
Imagine, if you will, the following scenario: You and your brother have a long-standing sibling rivalry. He's a few years older than you but still feels that you are Dad's favorite. It comes to a point that your brother hates you so much that he falsely accuses you of messing with the law, reports you to the authorities, and gets you thrown into jail for twelve years. Towards the end of your sentence, your brother starts to rethink what he did and feels quite embarrassed about it. The day finally comes when you are released from jail and, sure enough, there's your brother, standing right in front of you at the prison exit, not knowing what to say. What's your reaction going to be?
Well, a very similar incident occurred to our ancestors over 3700 years ago - only then the circumstances were much worse. The Torah tells us how Joseph's brothers were jealous of him because of the preferential treatment he received from Jacob and that this jealousy turned into intense hatred. They proceeded to sell the young Joseph into slavery, which culminated in Joseph's being incarcerated in an Egyptian jail for twelve years, and not being able to see his family for twenty-two years!
As the Torah tells us, Joseph rose to the position of Viceroy of Egypt when his long-lost brothers were forced to come to Egypt in search of food. They, of course, did not recognize him, never dreaming that the kid they sold into slavery would end up second-in-command of the entire Egypt. When the right situation presented itself, Joseph revealed his true identity to his brothers. They just stood there in front of him, totally embarrassed, not knowing what to say. Now what was Joseph's reaction?
The Torah records the amazing words that Joseph said to his ten brothers who were personally responsible for his long years of suffering. Joseph said, "I am Joseph your brother - it is me, whom you sold into Egypt. And now, be not distressed nor reproach yourselves for having sold me here, for it was to be a provider that G-d sent me ahead of you. For this has been two of the hunger years in the midst of the land, and there are yet five years in which there shall be neither plowing nor harvest. Thus G-d has sent me ahead of you to insure your survival in the land and to sustain you for a momentous deliverance. And now: It was not you who sent me here, but G-d…" (Genesis 45:4-8).
Wow!!! What a response!!! Now some will say that Joseph was just saying this so as to lessen his brothers' embarrassment, not that he really felt that way inside. Well, maybe you could say that if Joseph's brothers had poured some chicken soup all over his pants at a party - but not when they throw him into a pit to be sold to total strangers and kept away from his family for over twenty years! Clearly, what Joseph said to his brothers was a response he had developed and thought out over a period of many years.
So we have to ask ourselves, what was it within Joseph that gave him the unbelievable peace of mind and the amazing depth of understanding to react to his brothers in such a calm fashion - instead of just exploding in a fit of rage from so much pent-up hostility like the rest of us would likely have done? How did Joseph “keep his cool�
The answer to this question is that Joseph was clued in to one of the most important concepts in the whole Judaic belief system; a concept that would greatly enhance our own lives if we would only apply it properly. And that is the amazingly powerful idea of bitachon.
Bitachon is generally translated as “trust†but is more accurately described as a state of mental and emotional calmness that can only come from a reliance on G-d, Who loves us more than we love ourselves and has only our best interests in mind all the time.
As Rabbeinu Bachya ibn Paquda writes in his classic work Duties of the Heart (“The Gate of Trust in G-d†Chapter One):
The essence of ‘bitachon’ is the peace of mind of the one who trusts; that one relies in his heart that the one he trusts in will do what is good and proper for him on the matter he has trusted him with, according to his ability and his understanding of what will further his good.
[Of course, it goes without saying that we must make our own effort to provide our families and ourselves with food and shelter, and to take care of ourselves both physically and emotionally. It is a grave sin (pun intended) for a person to stand in the middle of the Interstate and to rely on G-d to save him from being run over. That's not when one should have bitachon. The trust in G-d and resulting state of calm kick in when the person has already been hit with some type of difficulty or bad turn of events.]
Rabbeinu Bachya writes further that there are seven factors that make it possible for one to fully trust in another to the point of attaining total cool and peace of mind no matter what befalls him:
(1) Compassion, empathy and love. For when a man recognizes that his friend has compassion and empathy for him, he trusts in him, and his soul is at ease regarding any matter with which he troubles his friend.
(2) The knowledge that, in addition to loving him, his friend does not disregard him or neglect his wishes; rather he strives to fulfill them. If the one in whom he trusts combines both these qualities – feels compassion for him and actively watches over his interests – he will unhesitatingly put his trust in him.
(3) The one in whom he trusts is strong. He will not be defeated in whatever he desires, and nothing can prevent him from doing the request of the one who trusts him. If he is weak, however, one cannot fully trust in him, even though it is clear that he is compassionate and involved, for he will be prevented most times from carrying out his purpose. When these three qualities are united in him, trusting in him will be more fitting.
(4) That the one he trusts always knows what is beneficial for him, both inwardly and outwardly, and what can improve his condition. If he does not know all of this, one will not be at peace in entrusting himself to him. But if he combines the knowledge of the ways which are beneficial to him, the ability to implement them, great attendance to them, and compassion for him, his trust will certainly be strengthened.
(5) That the one who trusts is under the exclusive care of the one in whom he trusts from the beginning of his existence, his development, babyhood, childhood, youth, adulthood, old age until the end of his days. And when all this is clear to him, he is obligated to trust his friend, and to rely on him, because of the many past benefits he already received from his friend and the constant favors he still presently receives. And this [track record] will obligate strengthening one's trust in him.
(6) The affairs of the one who trusts are entirely in the hands of the one in whom he trusts - and no one else can hurt him, help him, benefit him, or protect him from harm, as a slave chained down in a prison is entirely in the hands of his master. If the one who trusts were in the hands of the one he trusts in this manner, it would be more fitting to trust in him.
(7) That the person he trusts is absolutely generous and kind - to those deserving and to those who are not deserving - and that his generosity and kindness is continuous, never ending and without interruption.
Whoever possesses all these qualities is worthy of one’s absolute trust. And only G-d combines them all: He is compassionate, not neglectful, all-powerful, all-knowing, governs man from the beginning of his existence, one's benefit or harm are in His hands alone, and his generosity is universal and his kindness all-embracing.
When one clarifies this to himself, and his recognition of the true kindness of the Creator will be strong, he will place his trust in Him, give himself up completely to Him, and leave the guidance of his life to Him, never suspect Him in His judgments, nor be upset by what He has chosen for him - and he will attain true peace of mind.
Rabbeinu Bachya lists the many “benefits†that one gains when he develops within himself this trait of bitachon and trust in G-d:
One benefit is that one who trusts in G-d will not diminish his trust on account of having much wealth because he does not rely on the money. He regards it as a deposit which he is ordered to use in specific ways, for specific matters and for a limited time. And if he stays wealthy for a long time, he will not become arrogant due to his wealth. He will not remind the poor person of his charity gifts since he was commanded to give to him, and he will not seek his gratitude and praises. Rather, he will thank his Creator who appointed him as a means for doing good to the poor person. If his wealth is lost, he will not worry nor mourn his loss. Rather, he will thank his Creator for taking back His deposit, just like he thanked G-d when it was given to him. He will be happy with his portion and will not seek to damage others. He will also not covet other people's wealth.
Another benefit is minimal aggravation in one's business dealings. If his merchandise does not sell, or if he is unable to collect his debts, or if he is struck by illness, because he knows that the Creator is in charge of his life and knows best what is good for him, as written "Only to G-d should you hope, my soul, for my hope is from Him" (Psalms 62:6).
And now we understand Joseph’s amazing peace of mind when his brothers were standing in front of him not knowing what to say - and his cool, calm, and collected response. You see, for all the years that he languished in an Egyptian prison, Joseph wasn’t just wasting time watching Seinfeld reruns or playing Candy Crush. Rather he was working on himself and developing within himself the trait of bitachon. So that by the time he got out of prison and became Viceroy of Egypt, he had already clarified for himself the basic principle of relying on G-d, Who loves us more than we love ourselves and has only our best interests in mind all the time. He was thus able to say with total clarity and peace of mind that everything that happened to him – even being sold by his own brothers into slavery – was all orchestrated by G-d and was all for the good.
The amazing calm and bitachon that Joseph displayed in a time of crisis is an eternal lesson taught to us by our holy Torah thousands of years ago, and it is probably the best advice out there today for attaining peace of mind and living a stress-free life. [To learn more about the amazing trait of bitachon, click on: http://www.aish.com/spirituality/philosophy/Trusting_God.asp ]
[Sources: Chovos HaLevavos (Duties of the Heart) – Free English Translation online at: http://dafyomireview.com/article.php?docid=384]
http://www.torchweb.org/torah_detail.php?id=543