Ona'as Devarim: Words CAN Hurt!

Parshas Behar-Bechukosai (5778)

Ona'as Devarim: Words CAN Hurt!

Here is a question for you: Which do you think is worse …stealing money from others by overcharging them and other such unjust business practices – or insulting others and hurting them with words in personal relationships?

I think most people would agree that insulting another human being is far worse than stealing from him. After all, stealing just affects his money while an insult affects the person himself.

Why is it then that in most secular legal systems today it is considered unlawful and illegal (and even punishable by the courts) to steal from others yet nobody ever gets arrested for insulting someone else?

Fact is that both are morally wrong … and both are equally prohibited by the Torah in this week’s double portion, Parshas Behar-Bechukosai.

In Leviticus 25:14, the Torah commands us not to act unjustly to one other by engaging in improper business conduct. This is referred to as the prohibition of Ona’as Mamon, victimization in financial matters.

A few verses later, in Leviticus 25:17, the Torah warns us not to cause others pain with our words. This is generally referred to as the prohibition of Ona’as Devarim, verbal harassment. This prohibition includes reminding people of their earlier sins or of embarrassing aspects of their past or their ancestry, or to give advice that one knows to be bad, or any other words that we use to hurt and embarrass others.

The Talmud in Bava Metzia 58b teaches that it is worse to hurt someone personally than financially, because money can be replaced, but shame lingers on. Furthermore, someone who embarrasses his fellow in public is akin to murdering him and will not emerge from Gehinnom. Yikes!

The following tragic story about Rabbi Yochanan and Reish Lakish – two of the greatest Talmudic sages who ever lived – is related in the Talmud in Bava Metzia 84a, and serves to illustrate just how incredibly careful we have to be not to hurt others with our words and remarks, even when spoken casually and without intent to harm:

One day Rabbi Yochanan was bathing in the Jordan River, when Reish Lakish [who was a highway robber who led a group of bandits] saw him and gracefully jumped into the Jordan after him. [Now R. Yochanan was an incredibly beautiful man.] Said R. Yochanan to Reish Lakish, 'Your strength should be used for Torah.' Retorted Reish Lakish, 'Your beauty should be for women.' R. Yochanan said to him, 'If you will abandon your ways, I will give you my sister [in marriage], who is even more beautiful than I am'. Reish Lakish agreed … Subsequently, R. Yochanan taught him Bible and Mishnah, and Reish Lakish became a great Torah scholar, [and the study partner of R. Yochanan.]

One day, Reish Lakish and R. Yochanan had a dispute in the study hall regarding a Mishnah that says: ‘A sword, knife, dagger, spear, hand-saw and a scythe - at what point can they become ‘tamei’ [ritually unclean]? When their manufacturing process is completed, [and they are finished utensils]. And at what point are they considered finished utensils? R. Yochanan said: When they are hardened in the furnace. Reish Lakish said: When they have been made to shine by dipping them in water.

[Referring to Reish Lakish’s ignoble past,] R. Yochanan said to Reish Lakish, ‘A robber knows his trade. [As a former bandit, you are an expert on weapons production.]’

[Deeply hurt,] Reish Lakish retorted, ‘What good have you done me? [When I was the head of a gang of bandits] they called me Master, and here they call me Master!’ R. Yochanan shot back, ‘I did you a lot of good, because I brought you under the wings of the ‘Shechinah’ [Divine Presence]!’ R. Yochanan was very saddened by Reish Lakish’s remark, and as a result, Reish Lakish became sick…. Subsequently, Reish Lakish died.

R. Yochanan was very upset [when he realized how much he missed Reish Lakish as a study partner]. Said the Rabbis, 'Who will go and console R. Yochanan? Let Rabbi Elazar ben Pedas go [and be his new study partner]. He is very clever.’ So he went and sat before R. Yochanan, [and they tried learning together]. Anything that R. Yochanan said, R. Elazar b. Pedas told him, ‘You are right. There is a Beraisa [Mishnaic teaching] that supports your view’. [Exasperated,] R. Yochanan exclaimed, ‘and you want to replace Reish Lakish! When I said something to Reish Lakish, [he did not tell me, ‘You are right’]; he would ask me twenty-four questions, and I would give him twenty-four answers, and as a result, the entire subject became clearer. And what do you say? ‘You are right. There is a Beraisa [Mishnaic teaching] that supports your view’ Don’t I know myself that what I am saying is right?

So R. Yochanan went and ripped his clothes, crying, ‘Where are you, O son of Lakish? Where are you, O son of Lakish?’ He kept on crying until he lost his mind. [Seeing him in this condition,] the Rabbis prayed for mercy for him, and he died

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